A Day Flying At National Geographic
by Iliandra Nightshade
Summary: Strange phone calls from other planets, flying aliens without improbability drives and S.E.P fields, and an amused secretary. Not a oneshot. Rating may go up


In National Geographic Discovery's main office, there are specially trained people who recieve so many strange phone calls, they had to create a department with eight extensions just to deal with them all. You see, the callers were not exactly normal...

One day in particular, there was an extraordinary amount of these peculiar phone calls. The secretary sat at her desk answering phones, "Hello, National Geographic Discovery's office, please hold. Hello, National Geographic Discovery's office, please hold. Hello, National Geographic Discovery's office, please hold. Thank you for holding, how may I help you?"

On the other line a man spoke quietly and quickly, and the secretary rolled her eyes, but said to the man, "You've discovered the secret to human flight without mechanical assistance? Please hold a moment." To the director of the strange calls, the secretary reported, "Sir, we have a code 983." The director answered with a phone line, and the secretary switched back to the caller, "Hello? Yes, I'm transferring you to extension 8. Good day."

In an office thirteen floors up, the phone buzzed. A man picked it up, and listened a moment before saying,"Yes, this is extension 8." A moment later he responded to the person on the other end, "Human flight without mechanical assistance? Certainly, that is my department, I'll take your theory." This man too, rolled his eyes, and asked, "What was that you said? Jump in the air and when gravity pulls you back, miss the ground?!" This was a new theory for the man, he was new to the office, and not quite so well trained. Of course, he yelped, "Distractions while you're up there? Club on Nebula 10! Sir, I'm sorry but in reality... Hitch- Did you just say reality is false then because _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_ said is was true?! Where ever you got your guide book, I highly doubt..." The man at the desk's eyes got wider and wider while the person on the other end continued to speak. "The main office in where? Sir, may I have your address? 1290 Marshburied Lane, District 13, Ealwama, Whendidthathappen 9?!"

Finally, the worker decided it had to be a joke, and snapped, " Look, this prank is hardly... Well, no I don't have any other leads. If you want to come down to Earth on your UFO, and miss the ground, by all means, please demonstrate flight for us." There was a stunned silence, after which the man uttered, "You would but you can't get here without an Improbability Field and a S.E.P generator?" Several seconds later, the man decided to simply duck the phone call, "I'm sorry sir, I have an important meeting with a man about a cup of coffee. He's claimed it can wake the dead, and I really must investigate." The man on the other side of the conversation said something, and the new worker nearly yelled, "Of course it didn't grow in Bermuda! No, no, you misunderstand, I'm late to see this cup of coffee at work and I can simply delay no longer. Of course you can call back tomorrow. Good day."

Released from the call, the desk worker sighed to himself and then called the front desk, "Ah, my coffee break... Front desk? Don't let that mad hatter's calls through. Say I'm out or something. I'm off for a strong cup of coffee, see you in ten."

The secretary kept taking calls, and one nearly made her laugh,"National Geographic Discovery's office, how may I help you?" On the other end a woman's voice said something, and the secretary withheld a snort and said, "Mattresses that grow on trees? Of course, I'll get you extension 3, please hold." Ths secretary paged the head of the things growing on trees department, and said, "Mr. Maximilian, sir, we have a trans-galactic call on line four, mentioned helping us evolve far enough to discover the mattresses growing on trees." The call was transferred to extension three and the secretary returned to the ringing phones.

"Extension 3, how may I help you?" a fifteen year worker at National Geographic, fully trained, dealt with this sort of thing all the time, "Mattresses on trees? Yes, we'll send a team out right away sir, very kind of you to let us know their location. May I have your name?" After a short pause, the worker said to the woman, "Quadlretangleman. Could you spell that, please?" As the woman spelled the name, he wrote it down and said the letters to confirm, "Q-U-A-D-L-R-E-T-A-N-G-L-E-T-A-N-G-L-E-M-A-N? Very good, ma'am. Good bye, ma'am."

Dialing a number he had memorized, the long time worker said, "Institute of mental health? Yes, this is Maximilian, from Nat Geo, I've got another one who thinks things grow on trees. Mattresses, this time. Q-U-A-D-L-R-E-T-A-N-G-L-E-T-A-N-G-L-E-M-A-N, Quadlretangleman. I've given up on phone numbers and addresses, jabberwocky, the lot of it. Thank you."


End file.
